Absurd & mischievous Books

The misadventures of two terrible old people who enjoy playing nasty tricks and are finally outwitted by a family of monkeys.

This New York Times bestseller from David Walliams, the UK’s #1 bestselling children’s author and “the heir to Roald Dahl” (The Spectator), launched his books stateside in a big way! Walliams makes going to the dentist a wacky adventure with his signature humor—this is one dentist appointment you don’t want to miss. Something strange is happening in Alfie's town. Instead of shiny coins from the Tooth Fairy, kids are waking up to dead slugs, live spiders, and other dreadfully icky things under their pillows. Who would do something so horrific? Alfie is sure that Miss Root, the creepy new dentist in town, is behind it all. There's nothing Alfie hates more than going to the dentist, but to solve this mystery, he may have to book a dreaded appointment….

All the kids from Wayside School had to spend 243 days in horrible schools while Wayside was closed to get rid of the infestation of cows! Now the kids are back and the fun begins again on every floor. Miss Mush has prepared a special lunch of baked liver in purple sauce and it is pet day on the 30th floor. Unusual things continue to happen in the classroom on the thirtieth floor of Wayside School, which was accidentally built sideways with one classroom on each story.

Carpe Jugulum (Latin for "seize the throat", cf. Carpe diem) is a comic fantasy novel by Terry Pratchett, the twenty-third in the Discworld series. It was first published in 1998. In Carpe Jugulum, Terry Pratchett pastiches the traditions of vampire literature, playing with the mythic archetypes and featuring a tongue-in-cheek reversal of 'vampyre' subculture with young vampires who wear bright clothes, drink wine, and stay up until noon. (description taken from [Wikipedia][1]) [1]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carpe_Jugulum

Rudy Miller has tons of ideas on how to escape the camp he's been sent to "for his own good." The problem is - none of them work. Rudy teams up with Mike Webster, a quiet guy who's almost as happy to be there as Rudy is, and many "great escapes" are carefully planned and hilariously attempted. Chip, their counselor and nemesis, is just as determined to keep them there as they are to leave.

The story begins with Agnes Nitt leaving Lancre to seek a career at the Opera House in Ankh-Morpork. When Granny Weatherwax realizes Nanny Ogg has written an immensely popular cookbook but has not been paid by the publisher, the witches also leave for Ankh-Morpork to collect the money, as well as to attempt to recruit Agnes into their coven, to replace Magrat Garlick who left the coven when she became Queen of Lancre (in Lords and Ladies). This has the side benefit of distracting Granny from becoming obsessive and self-centered, or so Nanny believes to her great relief. Agnes Nitt is chosen as a member of the chorus, where she meets Christine, a more popular but less talented girl. The Opera House Ghost, who has long haunted the opera house without much incident, begins to commit seemingly random murders staged as "accidents", and also requests that Christine be given lead roles in several upcoming productions. Due to her incredibly powerful and versatile voice, Agnes is asked to sing the parts from the background, unbeknownst to Christine or the audience. Having discovered the problems at the opera house and also having coerced the publisher to pay Nanny richly for her book, the witches investigate the mystery, with Granny posing as a rich patron, and Nanny insinuating herself into the opera house staff. Agnes unmasks Walter Plinge, the janitor, as the ghost, though as he is seemingly harmless, the others are unconvinced. Another employee is suspected, but turns out to be a member of the Cable Street Particulars. The witches determine that the finances of the Opera House, which are a complete mess, have been made so intentionally in order to hide the fact that money is being stolen, with the murders being used either as a distraction or to cover evidence. It is finally revealed that two people had been masquerading as the ghost. The original (and harmless) ghost, Walter Plinge, was being psychologically manipulated by the second ghost, who assumed the identity to commit the murders and theft. With the witches' help, Walter is able to overcome his fears and help defeat the murderer. - Wikipedia.

After a bump on the head by a dodgeball throne by MacKenzie n gym class on April Fools Day, Nikki Maxwell has a wild dream in which she , her BFFs Chloe Garcia and Zoey Franklin, her crush Brandon Roberts, and mean girl MacKenzie all end up playing the roles of some familiar classic fairy tale characters.

This may be the story of John and David, a drug called soy sauce, and other-worldly beings invading the planet. Or, it may be the story of two beer-drinking friends who live in an unnamed Midwestern town and only think something horrific is going on. But the important thing is, according to the narrator, "None of this is my fault."

In a fantastical illustrated short novel, three people imprisoned in a nightmarish library plot their escape.

A boy acquires a magical gift that turns everything his lips touch into chocolate.

Micheal Monroe is learning a few new lessons in school this week: Never trust a teacher who believes in monsters. Don't even think about entering her house. And stay away from the giant egg in her attic- especially if it's about to hatch!

With the cold weather and the stress of the approaching holiday season, the Heffleys decide to escape to a tropical island resort for some much-needed rest and relaxation. A few days in paradise should do wonders for Greg and his frazzled family. But the Heffleys soon discover that paradise isn't everything it's cracked up to be. Sun poisoning, stomach troubles, and venomous critters all threaten to ruin the family's vacation. Can their trip be saved, or will this island getaway end in disaster? ---------- ###German-language description: Gregs Tagebuch ist eine der erfolgreichsten Kinderbuch-Reihen der Welt. Die humorvollen Comic-Romane um Greg Heffley besitzen mittlerweile Kultstatus. Die Geschichten sind an tatsächliche Erlebnisse in Jeff Kinney Kindheit und Jugend angelehnt. <br/> Endlich Ferien! Greg kann es kaum erwarten, es sich mit ein paar Videospielen und Filmen gemütlich zu machen. Aber Mom und Dad haben andere Pläne. Um der Kälte zu entkommen, beschließen sie, mit der ganzen Familie auf eine tropische Insel zu fliegen: Und tschüss! Greg ist nicht gerade begeistert. Nicht nur, dass er das erste Mal in seinem Leben in ein Flugzeug steigen muss! Im Paradies angekommen, wird es noch schlimmer: Ein vertauschter Koffer, ein unfreiwilliger Tauchgang und eine Horde fieser Krabbeltiere lassen diesen Urlaub unvergesslich werden ...

It all starts with a school essay. When twelve-year-old Gratuity ("Tip") Tucci is assigned to write five pages on "The True Meaning of Smekday" for the National Time Capsule contest, she's not sure where to begin. When her mom started telling everyone about the messages aliens were sending through a mole on the back of her neck? Maybe on Christmas Eve, when huge, bizarre spaceships descended on the Earth and the aliens - called Boov - abducted her mother? Or when the Boov declared Earth a colony, renamed it "Smekland" (in honor of glorious Captain Smek), and forced all Americans to relocate to Florida via rocketpod? In any case, Gratuity's story is much, much bigger than the assignment. It involves her unlikely friendship with a renegade Boov mechanic named J.Lo.; a futile journey south to find Gratuity's mother at the Happy Mouse Kingdom; a cross-country road trip in a hovercar called Slushious; and an outrageous plan to save the Earth from yet another alien invasion. Fully illustrated with "photos," drawings, newspaper clippings, and comics sequences, this is a hilarious, perceptive, genre-bending novel by a remarkable new talent.

Jimmy vient au monde le jour de la mort de son grand-père. Alors que l'orage sévit, le vieux Josef Tock se redresse soudain sur le lit et parle d'une manière cohérente pour la première fois depuis son attaque. Il énumère cinq jours noirs dans la vie de son petit-fils. A chaque nouvelle crise qu'il va affronter, Jimmy se rapprochera d'une vérité dont il ne soupçonnait pas l'existence.

Dear Reader, If this is the first book you found while searching for a book to read next, then the first thing you should know is that this next-to-last book is what you should put down first. Sadly, this book presents the next-to-last chronicle of the lives of the Baudelaire orphans, and it is next-to-first in its supply of misery, despair, and unpleasantness. Probably the next-to-last thing you would like to read about are a harpoon gun, a rooftop sunbathing alon, two mysterious initials, three unidentified triplets, a notorious villain, and an unsavory curry. Next-to-last things are the first thing to be avoided, and so allow me to recommend that you put this next-to-last book down first, and find something else to read next at last, such a s the next-to-last book in another chronicle, or a chronicle containing other next-to-last things, so that this next-to-last book does not become the last book you will read. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket

Taking up where Charlie and the Chocolate Factory leaves off, Charlie, his family, and Mr. Wonka find themselves launched into space in the great glass elevator.

Horribly hideous Shrek leaves home and terrifies everyone he encounters in his search for his equally ugly bride.

Als der Pate des jungen Dichters Hildegunst von Mythenmetz stirbt, hinterlässt er seinem Schützling nur wenig mehr als ein Manuskript. Dieses aber ist so makellos, dass Mythenmetz sich gezwungen sieht, dem Geheimnis seiner Herkunft nachzugehen. Die Spur führt nach Buchhaim, der Stadt der Träumenden Bücher. Als der Held sie betritt, ist es, als würde er die Tür zu einer gigantischen Buchhandlung aufreißen. Er riecht den Anflug von Säure, der an den Duft von Zitronenbäumen erinnert, das anregende Aroma von altem Leder und das scharfe, intelligente Parfüm von Druckerschwärze. Einmal in den Klauen dieser buchverrückten Stadt, wird Mythenmetz immer tiefer hineingesogen in ihre labyrinthische Welt, in der Lesen noch eine wirkliche Gefahr ist, in der rücksichtslose Bücherjäger nach bibliophilen Schätzen gieren, Buchlinge ihren Schabernack treiben und der mysteriöse Schattenkönig herrscht.

A fictional work of a China that never was. Chinoiserie.

My name is Peter Grant and until January I was just probationary constable in that mighty army for justice known to all right-thinking people as the Metropolitan Police Service (and as the Filth to everybody else). My only concerns in life were how to avoid a transfer to the Case Progression Unit - we do paperwork so real coppers don't have to - and finding a way to climb into the panties of the outrageously perky WPC Leslie May. Then one night, in pursuance of a murder inquiry, I tried to take a witness statement from someone who was dead but disturbingly voluble, and that brought me to the attention of Inspector Nightingale, the last wizard in England. Now I'm a Detective Constable and a trainee wizard, the first apprentice in fifty years, and my world has become somewhat more complicated: nests of vampires in Purley, negotiating a truce between the warring god and goddess of the Thames, and digging up graves in Covent Garden ...and there's something festering at the heart of the city I love, a malicious vengeful spirit that takes ordinary Londoners and twists them into grotesque mannequins to act out its drama of violence and despair. The spirit of riot and rebellion has awakened in the city, and it's falling to me to bring order out of chaos - or die trying.

Ensign Andrew Dahl has just been assigned to the Universal Union Capital Ship Intrepid, flagship of the Universal Union since the year 2456. It's a prestige posting, with the chance to serve on "Away Missions" alongside the starship's famous senior officers. Life couldn't be better...until Andrew begins to realize that 1) every Away Mission involves a lethal confrontation with alien forces, 2) the ship's senior officers always survive these confrontations, and 3) sadly, at least one low-ranking crew member is invariably killed. Unsurprisingly, the savvier crew members below decks avoid Away Missions at all costs. Then Andrew stumbles on information that transforms his and his colleagues' understanding of what the starship Intrepid really is...and offers them a crazy, high-risk chance to save their own lives. Redshirts by John Scalzi is the winner of the 2013 Hugo Award for Best Novel.

Hard Up Fugitive Apprehension Agent Stephanie Plum has a big problem on her hands: Seven-year-old Annie Soder and her mother, Evelyn, have disappeared. Evelyn's estranged husband, Steven, a shady owner of a seedy bar, is not at all happy. Finding a kidnapped child is not an assignment for a bounty hunter. But Evelyn's grandmother lives next door to Stephanie's parents, so Stephanie follows the trail left by Annie and Evelyn-and finds a lot more than she bargained for. Hard Risk Steven Soder is somehow linked with a very scary Eddie Abruzzi. Trenton cop and on-again, off-again fiancé Joe Morelli and Stephanie's mentor and tormentor, Ranger, warn Stephanie about Abruzzi, but it's Abruzzi's eyes and mannerisms that frighten Stephanie most. Stephanie needs Ranger's savvy and expertise, and she's willing to accept his help to find Annie even though it might mean getting too involved with Ranger. Stephanie, Ranger, Lula (who's not going to miss riding with Ranger), and Evelyn's lawyer/Laundromat manager set out to find Annie. The search turns out to be a race among Stephanie's posse, the True Blue Bonds' agent-a Rangerette known as Jeanne Ellen Burrows-and the Abruzzi crew. Plus, there's a killer rabbit on the loose! Hard Eight Strap on your helmet and get ready for the ride of your life! Hard Eight. The world of Stephanie Plum has never been wilder.

*The Mysterious Stranger* is a novel attempted by the American author Mark Twain. He worked on it intermittently from 1897 through 1908. Twain wrote multiple versions of the story; each involves a supernatural character called "Satan" or "No. 44". All the versions remained unfinished (with the exception of the last one, No. 44, *the Mysterious Stranger).*

When a kind old candy store owner (Uncle Mo) goes FTA (failure to appear) after being arrested for carrying concealed, bounty hunter Stephanie Plum is sent out to haul him back to prison

This book is the story of Griffin, a scientist who creates a serum to render himself invisible, and his descent into madness that follows.

Stephanie Plum has problems. Grandma Mazur's gambling partner, Eddie Dachooch, was found toes-up on his kitchen floor, dead from a shotgun blast. But when Grandma goes to the viewing, she doesn't recognize the man in the casket. She drags Stephanie along to find the missing dead body. But Stephanie's mind is on other matters because she has two proposals to consider: vice cop Joe Morelli is proposing marriage, and fellow bounty hunter Ranger is proposing a single perfect night. In this seventh Stephanie Plum adventure, the bounty hunter is dropped into a smorgasbord of murder, kidnapping, and extortion--a magnificent buffet of fast cars, fast men, and fast food.

"Carl Streator is a solitary widower and fortyish newspaper reporter who is assigned to do a series of articles on Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. In the course of this investigation, he discovers an ominous thread: the presence on the scenes of these deaths of the anthology Poems and Rhymes Around the World, opened to the page where there appears an African chant or "culling song." This song turns out to be lethal when spoken or even thought in anyone's direction - and once it lodges in Streator's brain, he finds himself becoming an involuntary serial killer. So he teams up with a real estate broker, one Helen Hoover Boyle, who specializes in selling haunted (or "distressed") houses (wonderfully high turnover), and who lost a child to the culling song years before. Together they set out on a cross-country odyssey. Their goal is to remove all copies of the book from libraries, lest this deadly verbal virus spread and wipe out human life. Accompanying them on their road trip are Helen's assistant, Mona Sabbat, an exquisitely earnest Wiccan, and her sardonic ecoterrorist boyfriend, Oyster, who is running a scam involving fake liability claims and business blackmail. Welcome to the new nuclear family."--BOOK JACKET.

*"Watch Closely," said Mrs. Jewls. "You can learn much faster using a computer instead of paper and pencil." Then she pushed the new computer out the window. The children watched it fall thirty floors and smash against the sidewalk. "See?" said Mrs. Jewls. "That's gravity! I've been trying to teach you about gravity, but the computer showed you a lot quicker!"* That's the way things happen at Wayside School. There are 29 kids in Mrs. Jewls's class and this book is about all of them. There is Todd, who got in trouble every day...until he got a magic dog; Paul, whose life was saved by Leslie's pigtails; Ron, who dared to try the cafeteria's Mushroom Surprise--and all the others who helped turn a day at Wayside school into one madcap adventure after another. But, after the things that happened in *Sideways Stories from Wayside School*, what would you expect?